Different Thoughts in Winter
by hannahannah
Summary: An Alternate Version to my story 'Thoughts in Winter', which takes place during the search for horocruxes. Hermione muses on whether she should have gone with Ron. An experiment in the pathways life takes. ONESHOT, COMPLETE.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ I originally wrote the version that appears as "Thoughts in Winter". When i was playing with it, I decided to try an adaptation of my own work to see how it would have sounded if Hermione liked Ron the whole time (even though I'm realllllllly not a fan of that 'ship- I don't care that JKR used it as her ending) Anyways, please please, read and review... let me know which one you like better. This is , I guess, my second fanficion but it doesn't exactly count..._

_And obviously, all these characters belong to JKR. This fic takes place on page 317 of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"_

I'm starving, and the snow is starting to drift down. All around me, branches are being covered in the white flakes that are going to make it even harder to find food than it has been for the past few months, even though we only need half the food that we used to… now that Ron left.

It feels like yesterday. Just yesterday he was prodding us for more food and a more concrete plan— but for five weeks of todays he has been gone.

If only I hadn't promised Harry I'd help him and brave the dangers with him on his quest, I could be back at Hogwarts savoring hot soup and brisket, or quiche and pudding, or lamb and potatoes…. hell, I could have been eating anything other than bread, mushrooms and water.

Well…. maybe it's not fair to blame Harry. I could have left with Ron- I mean, he asked me to but he'd been wearing the Horocrux and I thought he was still under its spell or something and I chose to stay with Harry because we promised and promises are so important and-

I'm not shallow enough.

That's the only answer. I, Hermione Jean Granger, the bookworm of Gryffindor tower and the smartest girl in the entire year, wish that I weren't. (Not that I really had a chance to be anything else with a humdrum name like Hermione Jean Granger) Of course, I don't even know if I still am the smartest because I'm wandering through a forest having picked one best friend over the other. When I've liked the other one for ages. And by picking Harry, I've made Ron hate me. What kind of smarts is that???

If I were shallower, I would have sided with Ron, I know it. I should have listened to Ginny and used make-up at the Burrow more often. Ginny put almost an hour in every day, and Harry hasn't been able to keep his eyes and mind off her since fifth year. Or at least perfume... then maybe Ron would have noticed me, and I wouldn't have to hide behind this mess of curls and frizz alone, hungry and freezing.

I'm not going to be like this anymore. I'm not going to give in, and think that Harry's led me around and around England without any idea where he's going and I'm not going to think that it's almost Christmas and somewhere in Australia my parents don't even know that they have a daughter and I'm not going to imagine all the house-elves beginning to prepare for the feast at Hogwarts and I'm certainly not going to think about Ron and the Weasly family…

If I think about Ron, I'll cry myself to sleep yet another night. If he manages to find us though, I know that I'd cry myself to sleep reliving those awful things he said to us and imaging all the girls that he might have spent time with while he's away from us.

That's a pretty shallow thing to do….. worry about other girls, I mean. Isn't it??

I think I'll brush my knots out, and fix my hair even though we're in the middle of a loch and only Harry's here… that would be a record two shallow things in one day… Maybe I'm on my way to becoming shallower.

I've idolized shallow girls since I entered school. They float through life, never thinking beyond today, and never anything deeper than who's hot or what to wear. They giggle at the slightest thing and they have brains the size of tadpoles. Everyone wants to be them, which only makes them giggle more. Girls like that strut around Hogwarts as though they've got a huge secret, and if I only knew it I would be just like them. No matter what girls like Lavender wear, they look stylish and perfect. That's probably why Ron went out with her in the first place. I bet Ron's back at school now, using his status as Lavender's ex to get other girls.

If only the ministry weren't controlled by Voldemort and you didn't have to be a pure-blood to study in those stone rooms, then I could be back on the grounds taking classes and spending time with Ron and Harry. If only Harry had some idea of where he was going to look to find the Horocruxes, then we could go find them, and then go back to Hogwarts to take classes and spend time with Ron. If only Ron hadn't---

Hermione Granger- get a grip!!! Ron's not back at Hogwarts snogging other girls because he's a "blood traitor" and the Ministry hates him. He spent the whole summer giving you compliments .When those shallow girls that you idolize get out of school, all they'll have is nice hair and a gaggle of star-struck guys. If you were allowed into school you'd have a hundred N.E.W.T.s. You got 11 O.W.L.s for crying out loud! You can cast spells that don't involve straightening your hair- although you can do that too- and whoever is lucky enough to end up as your husband is going to be extraordinarily fortunate. Just because you love Ron doesn't mean that-

Ok… I did not just use the L-word about Ron. That's the same word that Dumbledore said was more powerful than Voldemort's powers. That's the same thing that Snape gave us a lecture about the first time he assigned us a love potion, and he told us that potions can't create l--, only lust. But I didn't say I lusted after Ron; I said that I lo-

I need to eat more regularly, I think.

I wonder if he likes me back. If he does….. that means that Lavender was a fluke, and that he really doesn't like shallow girls and so it's dumb for me to wish to be more shallow because then he'll never like me back.

I guess it doesn't matter after all…. It's not like he'll be able to find us anyways. We've been moving from place to place with dozens of shield charms.

I wonder if he wishes he were back here with Harry and me I know that I wish that he were back….

But dreams don't feed teenagers and wishes don't find horocruxes. And right now, those are what's important. Maybe, one day, when it's all over……….


End file.
